Unrequited Love: You Can’t Love Alone

It’s hard to ignore, “the heart wants what the heart wants.” It’s hard to let go of “follow your heart.” Especially if your mind is telling you otherwise. Screaming, “Girl run the other direction.” There are no blueprints for the right direction. No maps or instructions telling you what choice to make. Nothing guiding you. You’re left to your own devices; yourself and your intuition at play. I imagine illustrations of the head and the heart are similar to an angel and devil sitting on opposite shoulders. Neither one of them telling you the same thing. Simultaneously, neither one is entirely wrong. Which one do you listen to?

What aids you in that choice? Is picking one over the other truly the best course of action? Can’t there be a way to combine them? Put them in a room together until they get along.

I recently watched a video about unrequited love. A quick one minute and thirty seconds that popped up on my FB feed. I almost scrolled right past it. Something inside me said, “Gabriella I think you need to watch this one.” To be honest I scroll past most videos people share. (Hello, there’s a lot of them) I’m glad I felt compelled to press play on this particular one. Unrequited love seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life. It pops up ALL the time. More than I’d care to admit. Just when I thought I’d heard it all, the speaker in this video said something that resonated strongly with me. “You can’t sit there and love someone in isolation. That’s not love.” There it was, the slap in the face I needed to hear. A thought that had never crossed my mind until that moment. A thought I sadly wish would have before. A thought I think would have saved me heartache.

It the spirit of honesty, the speaker is right. Loving someone is not sitting alone in your bedroom creeping on their social media hoping they will sense you staring at their Instagram profile for the tenth time that day. Loving someone is not analyzing every word of every tweet wondering if one of them might be about you. It is not hiding behind social media likes. That is not saying you care, that just proves you know how to click or double tap. Loving someone is not laying in bed an entire Saturday crying because you don’t know what to say to them. Loving someone is not waiting idly for an opportunity to slip back into their life after they break up with someone. It’s not keeping their sweatshirt folded in your closet hoping you will have a reason to wear it again.

Loving someone is communication. It’s showing up to their house with a cup of coffee, after crying for two days straight, and saying “hey let’s talk about this.” Loving someone is showing up, being present in their life. Loving someone is verbally telling them “I care about you” even if the possibility of their reaction scares you to death. As one of my favorite authors says, “Don’t let fear drive the car.” Love is illustrating to them you want to be a constant in their life. Them a constant in yours. It is making truth to the promises you made them. Not ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Unrequited love has this whimsical romantic notion. Where does that get us? It sounds beautiful, like a fairy tale. That is the connotation we’ve given it. Yet, it is one person seeking the affection of another who does not give a damn about them. I will admit I have always thought it oh so romantic. I am starting to change my tune. How long can a person go on “loving” someone without telling them? It breaks you down. It beats you up. It is like your own personal form of bullying. Let me tell you, it sucks. We all deserve the love that we so freely give to others. You may love them, but you must love yourself first. Not being honest with them or yourself is the opposite of that.

Listen to you heart, but don’t beat it up. Do not give it bruises that take an eternity to heal. It is difficult to be torn between letting them go and fighting for what you want. There is no black or white decision in that scenario. It is one extra large grey area. I usually love the color grey but not in this case.

Our minds spin in circles. What do you listen to, your heart, your head, your thoughts, your favorite romantic comedy, your emotions, your mom, your friends, a buzzfeed article, your coworkers, the lyrics to your favorite song? The possibilities are endless. I believe in time our souls know how to heal. The real challenge is silencing your mind.

A re-evaluation of this whole “unrequited love” thing needs to happen. Giving it control is an option we should no longer entertain. It might not happen overnight.

I hope one day we all find the courage to give unrequited love a swift kick in the ass. We all know it needs it.

 

Missed Opportunities 

Every kiss of yours I don’t get is a kiss I will miss.

Every hug of yours I don’t get is a hug I will miss.

Every smile of yours I don’t witness is a smile I will miss.

Every story of yours I don’t hear is a story I will miss.

Every moment of yours I don’t witness is a moment I will miss.

Every laugh of yours I don’t hear is a laugh I will miss.

Every tear of yours I don’t wipe away is a tear I will miss.

Every idea of yours I don’t hear is an idea I will miss.

Every touch of yours I don’t get is a touch I will miss.

Everything about you is everything I will miss.

Translation: I miss you.

We Got to Today

How did we get here?

Where is here? Today. Three years since I started this blog. Yes, three years. On this day three years ago, I started to share this space with you. I wrote a little post called Avenue Summer just after finishing my junior year of college. I had no idea it would lead me to three years of posts. I was just trying something new hoping for a reaction of any kind.

I wasn’t planning on writing this post tonight. This morning, by chance, I discovered today was the three year anniversary of The Gift of Gab. Heck, I didn’t even have that name from the beginning. I didn’t have a lot from the beginning. I wasn’t even sure if anyone would read what I write. I’m still not sure if anyone reads what I write. That leads me to my next point.

Thank you. If you are reading this, thank you. If you have read any words I have ever written, thank you. Ironically, words cannot describe how thankful I am. Writing is something that has become such a special outlet for me. When I sit down to write, I never know where my heart and mind will take me. Where my words will take me. The fact that you take time out of your day to invest in my words is incredible.

I know I don’t have the most read blog on the internet. I’m okay with that. That has never been my goal. It’s more important to me that I touch at least one person. That something I’ve written resonates with at least one single soul. I want to make people feel something or view life from a new perspective.

I feel so grateful that I get to share this space with you.  Just because I can’t say it enough, thank you, thank you, thank you. Three years of writing has been such a blessing for me. I hope for many many more.

I’m so happy. Happy because we got today. Three years got us here. We got today.


Moving forward, recent events in my life have led me to a new idea. A writing project that I’d love you to be a part of. I don’t want to give too much away, but it has something to do with my most recent post Welcome to Twenty-Four. That is the only clue you can have for now. If you’re intrigued/interested and want to write with me, give me a holler here: Contact Me. Or feel free to shoot me a text if you have my number.

Seriously though, I want to hear from you. This space has always been a place for me to write and share with you. You have welcomed it into your lives. Now, I want to welcome you into this space in a new way.

We got to today. Let’s see where tomorrow takes us.

 

Welcome to Twenty-Four

Every 365 days, as I gain another year on the calendar of life, I love to write a piece for my birthday. This year, I am turning 24 years old on the 24th of April. They call it your golden birthday, your golden year. Do I think at 24 years old I have lived all the life there is to live? Absolutely not. Yet each year of my life has never been the same. Think about it, no day in my life or yours has been identical. Our choices are the road map to the days that make up our life. When I write something for my birthday I try to reflect on what I have learned in my past 365 days. This year, my words are going to attempt something different. I am going to write a letter to myself.

I recently reached out to a friend for some advice on my writing. I know she reads my blog and would give me honest input. If you frequently do as well, you know I haven’t written a lot lately. In hope of sparking my writing light back into my life, I asked her for some inspiration. She suggested I write a letter to myself. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that is just what I needed. Her timing was impeccable.

A fair disclaimer must be placed here: Everything I am about to say is unreliable. It will be written from the heart. I might say things I know I need to hear but do not want to hear. I might lie to myself. I might be brutally honest. I might ignore vital topics. Whichever path I take, the words I say will be the words I am meant to write at this moment.

A theme I will reflect upon is ‘wear your heart on your sleeve.’ As I reflect on life, that is how I want to live it, with my heart on my sleeve. That makes you vulnerable. Every moment an open book. I believe being vulnerable creates the best version of yourself. Being vulnerable means you feel things. You are open to things. You live each moment as it is given to you.

Without further ado….


Dear Gabriella,

Welcome to twenty-four. The age as a little girl (wanting to be a princess when she grows up) you thought was the perfect age to get married. Both points in that statement are not true. You are not a princess. (Okay in your heart you are and when you visit Disney) You are not married. Nor, are you getting married. Luckily, you are okay with both of those circumstances.

Understand, you can’t predict life. You do not know where it will take you. You are meant to be exactly where you are right now. But, do not forget about the future. You do not know when or how the choices you make today will affect you. Remember to take care of yourself but not to ignore the ones around you. Give as much to them as you would to yourself. But, don’t give more of yourself to someone that does not deserve it. I know you are a confident woman, never forget that. Do not let anyone compromise that.

I want you to make me some promises. First and foremost, promise me you will wear your heart on your sleeve. Let yourself be vulnerable. Promise me you will invest. Invest in people. Invest in love. Invest in kindness. Invest in everything you do. Promise me you will try new things. As cliche as that sounds, it is ever so important. Do not break the pact you have with yourself; travel to at least one new place this year. Here we go with another cliche; step outside of your comfort zone. Remember that quote, “our ability to grow is directly proportional to our ability to entertain the uncomfortable.” Find the girl that invests in that. Find the girl that rents it a room in her soul.

You know all of those things you have been meaning to do? You know all of those people you have been meaning to reach out to? Do those things. Talk to those people. No one is going to do it for you. You have to do it for yourself. That is the beauty of the best things in life, you do them for yourself. What is the beauty of the best people in life? They are free. Yes, I know, Taylor Swift said that first. But hey, the girl’s right. The people in your life that should stay there are those who freely choose to do so. They love you for you. They accept you for you. As you will always do the same for them. This applies to all relationships. Friendships, boyfriends, relatives, pets etc… (well okay, you’re pets will always love you, but you get the point)

As for that boy filed away in the cabinet of your mind. Is he filed under the right section? I want you to truly consider this. Don’t brush it off. What is in the forefront of your mind when you hear his name? Don’t give him a spot nestled in the ‘important’ section of the filing cabinet if he does not deserve it. Acknowledge your heart. But don’t beat it up. Give yourself grace. Be fair to yourself. Be fair to him too. You want your heart to be full in the right way. Keep that in your sights. If he is meant to be a constant in your life, a witness to your daily graces, he will be. Remember, what we said about free people? The point is to remember just that. Free people, they are the best kind.

Gabriella, I want you to be happy. But to do that, you cannot think about being happy. Do not fester on the subject. Live your life. Do not try to write the worlds greatest definition for happiness. After you think you have written it, don’t try to turn it into a verb. Crumple it up and shoot for that three pointer into your garbage can. You cannot just define happiness. You cannot just do happiness. If you try to do so, you will miss the point. Life will whirl past you and you won’t even notice. As your girl Hannah Brencher says, ‘Be where your feet are.”

Give yourself permission to dream little G. Dream bigger than you know is possible. Recall that little girl that said she was going to be a princess. Revive her. Make her part of your everyday.

Most importantly, Gabriella, you are enough. You are enough. That needed to be written twice. Maybe then you will remember it twice as much.  Do something everyday to remind yourself of this.

Sweet girl with your heart on your sleeve, don’t lose your smile.  Your kindness defines you. Your words define you. Be who you need to be for yourself. The rest will fall into place.

Signed with a full heart,

The one knows you best & loves you most

April 2017 Tunes

Here’s a little taste of what’s making my ears, heart, and soul happy this month


Now or Never – Halsey

Craving You – Thomas Rhett feat. Maren Morris

guarded – Flor

Dive – Ed Sheeran

When You Love Someone – James TW

Different For Girls – Dierks Bentley feat. Elle King

Kissing Strangers – DNCE feat. Nicki Minaj

Galway Girl (Martin Jensen Remix) – Ed Sheeran & Martin Jensen

Sexual (Recorded at Spotify Studios NYC) – Zara Larson

How Not To – Dan + Shay

Everything Changed – Tatiana Manaois

Talk Too Much – COIN

Break My Heart – Hey Violet

Wicked – Mansionz feat G-Eazy

Overwhelming – Jon Bellion

You Don’t Know Love (Acoustic) – Olly Murs

Space – Maren Morris

Lipstick – Dan + Shay

There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back – Shawn Mendes

overbehind – Flor

Attention – Charlie Puth


Check out my  April 2017 Playlist on Spotify for all of these songs plus a few more

Bottom of The First

A curve-ball from the universe thrown into my atmosphere. It broke through the infield of my heart and the outfield of my mind. I’m not sure if it will turn into a home run or a strike out. I am swinging full force searching for the outcome.

We met by chance. Or did we? I always say every person I meet walks into my life for a reason. This person, by far a positive addition. A positive one with a twist. A twist of falling. I started to fall one way, jogging around the bases hoping for that home run. Now, I feel like I was stealing bases. Stealing bases that were not mine to steal. At least not yet. You see, I want to win them fair and square. Run around those bases knowing the run at the end, the final steps over home base, are mine to keep. Once I cross that plate, I am not going back. I will not.

Here’s the thing, he is now pitching to a home plate I am not standing on. Unfortunately, a choice I had no say in. Now, I am returning home because the ball I hit soared into foul territory. My effort to run the bases revoked out of the blue. Do I swing again? Do I wait for the right pitch? You know, the pitch that ends with a grand slam. Maybe I should face the possibility of striking out. The next decision is always the hardest one to make. I don’t know if he will pitch on my field again.

Baseball games have nine innings. In our game, we are at the bottom of the first. There is a rain delay between us and the the top of the second inning. As I wait for the rain to pass, I have begun to realize they don’t make bandaids and neosporin for a breaking heart. As my heart is breaking, I hope his is healing. Currently, it’s like I am missing something. Like my hart is missing a letter. The thing is, he’s getting what he wants. I, on the other hand, am not.

I hope the rain passes. Passes sooner then later; giving me a chance to swing again. I don’t want this game to be postposed forever. It might be on hold, delayed for now. I will not let this be the end. A fair chance of playing a full nine innings is in my future. God places people in my life when they are meant to be there. He pulls them away and he brings them back with timing only he knows is right. I know I have to fight for what I want. Leave it all on the field and go for the win.

Yes, at the bottom of the first I am losing 1-0. That’s the best part, we’re only at the bottom of the first.

If My Instagram Captions Were Honest: Take two

About a year ago, I wrote a post titled “If My Instagram Captions Were Honest” It was some of the most fun I’ve had writing for this blog. Not all writing has to be serious, or meaningful, or prove some great revelation. Sometimes it just needs to be fun and make you laugh.

Let’s be honest, I am an Instawhore. I love Instagram. Like I LOVE Instagram. I have an entire note in my phone dedicated to Instagram captions. (Probably something I shouldn’t openly admit to) If you have a cool, pun worthy last name, watch out I am going to want to make it a caption. You are not safe from my addiction. Also, who are you if you can’t poke fun at your own social media?

Here it goes again. If my Instagram captions were honest, take two.

1.

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Original Caption: “My yoga pants finally made it to yoga”

Honest Caption: “I want you to think I’m fit and active but in a hipster way”

2.

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Original Caption: “If you think you’re hungry, you might be thirsty. Drink a margarita and see how you feel.”

Honest Caption: “I put makeup on today. Here is a picture of me drinking a cranberry margartia so you can see it.”

3.

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Original Caption: “Only having two hands kept me from triple fisting”

Honest Caption: “Butterbeer is sweet af. Oh and one of these is actually Katie’s”

4.

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Original Caption: “Waiting on my cabana boy”

Honest Caption: “This swimsuit is new. The boy I’m talking to better like this picture ASAP.”

5.

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Original Caption: “WE ARE”

Honest Caption: “I still struggle understanding how downs work. Anyway, Go Penn State.”

6.

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Original Caption: “Half posed/half candid”

Honest Caption: “We think drinking spiked Shirley temples makes us cool”

7.

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Original Caption: “Fall’d too hard today”

Honest Caption: “I’m as basic in fall as you think I am”

8.

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Original Caption: “Flamingo’s are lame” – Said no one ever

Honest Caption: “I want you to be jealous I floated on a giant flamingo”

9.

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Original Caption: “Vacation might not have been in my summer plans but living somewhere this pretty helps make up for that”

Honest Caption: “Notice how tan I am”

10.

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Original Caption: “Disclaimer: These are not my puppies but I sure wish they were”

Honest Caption: “This picture took approximately 30 takes but was 100% worth it”

 

Shameless plug, don’t forget to follow me

Whoooooo, as always, thanks for reading!