Do you ever imagine situations in your head the way you want them to play out? I do. We all day dream about unexpectedly running into a certain someone. We make up little stories and imagine what it will be like the next time we run into an old friend or an ex boyfriend. We will be at the grocery store or maybe walking down the street, look up and all the sudden they will be standing in front of us. Of course we will be dressed perfectly too. We will exchange perfect words and eventually go our separate ways.
Let’s be honest those encounters never turn out any way we think they will. Or, truly any way we want them to.
We have in our heads our perfect reaction to seeing them. We have perfectly planned out dialogue. What we will say, what they will say dictated with not a word out of place.
Then, it actually happens.
You hear a voice and think “Oh my gosh, I’d recognize that voice anywhere.” Out of the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse of that face you would find like Waldo in the largest of crowds. Standing feet away is that exact person, your person. The one you play the scenario of seeing over and over again in your head.
After all is said and done, of course it did not play out how you imagined it would.
That is what makes us human. We must face that we cannot always control our emotions. We see a person smile and remember it is what attracted us to them in the first place. Or, maybe it was their laugh and hearing that again fills your heart. Or, the way they lean over to whisper in the ear of the person next to them. Or, watching them glance around and pick at the callouses on their hands. Then you remember that is one of their nervous habits. Every little thing you once loved about them is displayed live in front of you once again.
For me, after not seeing a person for 10 months I imagined I would drop what I was holding and just stare at them. Honestly, I even thought I would cry. I knew I would not know when I would see him next and be taken aback by his presence.
I was right.
It happened to me just last week.
I found myself hiding my face and trying to control my shaking hands because there he stood feet away from me. Just like that every feeling I ever felt for him came flooding back to me like the gates of a dam just broke and water uncontrollably rushed through. Just like that we exchanged a wave like we barely knew each other. You can’t help but wonder, ‘How did we get here?” A person who was once my favorite human to see now waves to me like we barely know each other. Then by chance I got to talk to him. As I looked him in the eyes and watched his smile light up his face, I felt hooked once again. Simultaneously, I recalled all the other things, all the reasons we are practically now strangers. Would I have changed this encounter for the world? Absolutely not. As silly as it may seem, after all was said and done, I ultimately felt so much joy getting to see him.
As I was telling my best friend about seeing him, I said to her, “Boy oh boy that smile. I forgot about it.” If you have read any of my other writing you may know by now, I’ll always melt in the wake of a someone’s smile. That smile belongs to him. My friend said to me, “Don’t fall for the smile! Nick Jonas has a nice smile too!” I laughed. I can’t argue that, of course Nick Jonas has a nice smile too. What I said in return was, “I’m not falling just reminiscing.” Low and behold that is the honest truth. It made me happy to reminisce on all the times I was a witness to that smile, all the times I was the cause of that smile. It brought the good kind of tears to my eyes. It made me realize I can’t wait until I feel that way again.
Reminisce my friends, recall all the good times someone gave you. Remember all the adventurous things you did together. Even if your relationship ended in hurt, what once was claimed beauty and meaning. Do not fear the next time you will run into that person, revel in it. The reason you feel that way is because of history. History between two people makes things simply complicated. Use that history to your advantage. Give yourself permission to turn any situation into one you appreciate. You don’t have to give up imagining situations in your head. Just know that however a situation plays out is exactly what you need at that time.