Maybe I Just Want A Witness to My Life

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More often than not, at my age, I am asked a series of questions. It goes like this, What did you study in college? What do you do for a living? And, are you dating anyone? That last question always seems to round out the trifecta.

I always think to myself, that the first two questions are justified. However, what does this person need to know about my relationship status? When I tell someone I am single. They then ask, what are you waiting for? Don’t you want a boyfriend? My answer, no. No, I don’t want a boyfriend.

Maybe I just want a witness to my life. Someone to be there, give or take, twenty-four seven. A person to experience anything and everything with. They are there solely because I am. A person that wants to share their life with me as much as I want to share mine with them. Spilled coffee cups, ripped jeans, radio sing along moments savored. Celebrations of  the smallest things. Sloppy polaroid pictures to keep in our wallets. Measuring life by these things instead of time. Clocks will always tick but people don’t live forever. Moments together will be spent where our feet are. Grounded where we are stable, not seeking what might lie ahead.

Isn’t that what we are all looking for? A person to be a witness to our lives. When you are telling a story, they can finish your sentence because they were there too. A witness to your highs and your lows. They won’t expect you to be anyone but yourself.

You might call this person a boyfriend or a girlfriend. That is not the way I am choosing to look at it. A significant other can fit into many roles. At times those roles don’t fulfill a healthy relationship. As Taylor Swifts says, “The best people in life are free.” That is the person I need. Someone who exists in my life because they so freely choose to do so. Living, breathing proof that investing in another person is worth it.

In all honesty, no one wants to go through life alone. Loneliness is a difficult state to counter. No one deserves to be lonely. We all deserve witnesses to our every-days. They’ll witness rainy, book reading days, jumping into a pile of freshly raked leaves, petting a strangers dog in the park, phone calls to them because your car won’t start, all the glamour and rough patches. Don’t think this is a one-sided deal. As much as someone is a witness to your life, you must mirror that within theirs. As I continue through life, I want my journey through my twenties to reflect this. Reflect in truth the person I seek to be. A person that is true to themselves and true to whom they invest in. I won’t hesitate to say, if I invest in you I will do so honestly and deeply. I will say what is on my mind and I will mean it. So, do not take that lightly. I might come on strong. Take it as you will. To me it embodies my passion for all things I invest in.

I don’t believe I will find this person while swiping through tinder (I refuse to make one) or buying another whiskey and ginger at my favorite college bar. I will find them in an unexpected place. In an honest, open, I don’t have my guard up place. I am unsure if I should be searching for them. Something tells me just the opposite. I should let them surprise me. Jump into the water and create the best tidal wave I have ever wanted to drown in. They will step with me out of my comfort zone. I do not know what else will happen because this just simply has not happened yet. Don’t feel bad for me when I tell you I don’t have a boyfriend. After reading this you should know, that is not what I am looking for.

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