I Gave You More Hope Than You Deserved

You never gave me a real chance. I gave you an abundance of them. Like the amount of leaves that fall off the trees each fall, after one would fall so would another. No matter what you did to prove my chances wrong, I kept giving them to you like extra change. But, with each chance I gave you, you stepped further and further away. Too many steps down the road and you were gone. Distant while standing right next to me. Hope kept me holding on. Optimism kept me holding on. You see, I choose to see the best in people. I believed the best in you. You once showed me that side. I saw a world in you. I saw the world in you. Then, you hid it like an embarrassing secret for no one to see but yourself. A dirty little secret never to surface again. Just when I thought that surface would break, you would not let it. Locked it tight and threw away the key.

Within a blink of an eye you went from hot to cold. To here, then there. I’m no fool. I’d like to think I knew what I was doing, but you led me on. You fueled that hope. I still have to admit I gave you more hope than you deserved. More than I should have ever given you. I let my heart cloud my judgement. But, I trust my heart with my judgement. You are a good person. You just weren’t a good person to me. I couldn’t guard my heart from you. No matter how hard I tried not to, I felt for you. I wanted to show you parts of me I hadn’t shown anyone before. Share life with you. And then, I saw your flaws but I still wanted more. I looked past those flaws, because we all have them. Yours didn’t scare me away. Maybe they should have. You always kept me at arms length, maybe you didn’t deserve to know me. Maybe you didn’t deserve all the hope I handed to you.

To be honest, I gave you more hope than you deserved. I do not know why you treated me this way. I also never asked why. Because, there is a chance in never knowing, and there is a hope in holding on.

You know, that hope I gave you too much of.


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